Dear Linda,

Yesterday I went back to the doctor to see about my knee.  The meniscus is not torn…but there is no cartilage there anymore.  And it has severe oseoarthritis in is.  You can imagine my delight when he said this will entail a new knee.  I do so love new things!  He went on to say, however, that he thought we may could put it off for a while by going the route of shots!…steroid and rooster…ROOSTER?  Anyway, I don’t remember what else he said for a few minutes when he came at me from one way with a needle and the nurse came at me the other way with some kinda spray voodoo medicine.  “Don’t jump!’ he says.  “Jump?” I thought.  “My plan was on running!  But they sorta hemmed me in!

Of course, I must tell you I was horribly embarrassed.  He asked me to roll up my pants leg…OVER my knee.  Well that was like trying to pull an old pillowcase off a nice new overstuffed pillow!  He watched while I contoured  and pulled and twisted.  These pants are designed to be entered from the foot section and pulled up over the hips…there is no leeway for rolling them up to make shorts out of them!!!I finally got it past my knee.  However, he pointed out we better hurry and get that shot done cause my leg from the rolled up pants leg down to the foot was slowly turning a lovely purple!  Oh!  I did shave my legs in the shower before I went to the doctor.  But, I didn’t remember to rub some lotion on that sad old, dry donkey skin!.  So on top of everything else, it looked like a little private snowstorm had fallen all over my skinny legged BLACK jeans when I eased them them back down, ever so gingerly trying to bypass that hole he left on the right side!

It was at this point, being the oh so observant man that he is,  he asked about why I had a brace on my other foot.  So, I went into the saga of the two years of ACHILLES TERROR that I had suffered with my ankle.  He suggested, after I told him all Doctor ONE had done with little results, that I see Doctor TWO.  I told him it felt so much better when I was hobbling on a toe to knee cast or wearing the lovely space cadet air boot.  “Oh, yes”, he exclaimed, “It’s time for you to let Doctor TWO look at it.  Sound as if they need to remove the tendon from the back of the heel and scape it down from the back of the leg and do some witch doctor magic on it!  It is pretty involved surgery..but that’s the point you are at now.  I’ll just get my nurse to get you in to see him next week!”

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, but I was able to hold it together and hobble to my car.  I immediately got in the front seat, rolled the window down, and “Had A Little Talk With Jesus.”  I didn’t get a very sympathetic vibe from him though.  Thoughts kept coming to me that I was 62, and I was forcing my legs to work harder with this little , bitty tad of extra weight I was carrying around, and I had better get busy getting things in order if I wanted to escort Levi down the aisle one day at his wedding….if there is every a girl good enough!

I had lunch and ran an errand.  Then I came home and got out my clothes to wear to the breakfast and the shopping with the Sunday School girls tomorrow.  I was determined that I was going to go to bed early and rest this throbbing knee, so I could be fresh as a daisy tomorrow for the good time we were certain to have!

I decided to get off my feet around 5:00 and check FB and email.  (Notice the time I sent you the message that I’d be there in the morning.)  I fixed myself a glass of tea and got an aspirin for my knee.  Had my computer in my lap, and no reason to move for an hour or so.

After several minutes, my gaze fell around the room, and I noticed my closet light was on.  Well, you know my dear hubby.  He is such a fine upstanding man and provides so well for us.  He really doesn’t complain about all the things he COULD.  However , lights being left on is not something he is good with.   Now, sometimes I don’t even notice until he brings it to my attention…being as how I am blessed with the scattered brain that I am…but today I saw it and knew I needed to turn it off.  It was really not bothering me in the least, but I didn’t want to give him any grief.  So I went over to turn it off.

I woke up about 30 minutes later.  Not where I should have been resting, but on the floor wedged between my piano and the painting table.  I  vaguely remember leaning over some toys I had moved to one side.  Things Levi had outgrown.  I was going to put them away…IN the closet…but I have to do these things slowly, because the boy knows when one thing in his stash has been removed from play.  So, I let him get used to being in another place and slowly it disappears into the never,never land at the back of the closet.

I had found my self in this situation when I woke up.  I think I hit my head on the piano bench.  I was lying face down with both elbows under me as if I was getting ready to consider the possibility of maybe trying to do a push up.  Yeah!  Fat chance!  Anyway one elbow was bleeding and my left knee where the doctor had gouged a hole earlier in the day was whimpering slightly.  But , my left hip and around to my sit upon was screaming at me that I wasn’t playing fair!  I lay there a minute, breathing hard, and wondered what to do.  I really was afraid to move by myself..  So, I called Alex…who lives DOWN the hall…past the door to his apartment…past the door to his bedroom….Both closed by the way!  Plus he had a book on tape playing.  He never heard a thing.  Finn did…but not Alex.  Then I wondered if Adam was working and could I call him if I was really hurt.  But, no, he would be so totally embarrassed to have to come into this this toy strewn and paint everywhere studio and rescue his mother.  My phone was too far away or I would have called Don.  No, this was a job for no one but me!  So I eased my legs to one side and tried to bend my knees to begin getting up.  They worked OK,  however the hip was not in a getting up mood.  I needed to move my arms to push up…but the bloody one said, “No thanks”.  So , Linda I could not really tell you exactly how I got up, but I did.    It appeared nothing was broken.  Even my loudmouth hip.

And, then I saw what had caused me to go me to go on this little journey.  In a corner, beside the things I was slowly letting disappear…a sweet little man had set up  a construction site.  We’re talking backhoes and dump trucks and caterpillars and all manner of things to build a new shopping center with.  As it turns out, Levi and I have been closely watching two construction sites as we travel to school and home each day.  We are even making pictures of the trucks and the different things the big rigs do.  Then we are going to make us a book about construction!  We even have talked about how sometime the builders have to get their trucks into tiny spaces and clears things away before they can begin building.

Why do I feel the need to explain things so throughly to him?   Why do I try to give him all these experiences of what is going on in the world ?  I don’t know. But, I know for sure that he had found a little space to clear and and soon a shopping center was going to be built in the front of the door to my closet.  And, since someone not too smart had put the light switch behind the center of the piano, I had to lean over the construction site AND the toys headed to never land, and try to smack down that light switch with the tips of my fingers!

It didn’t work.  So, here I am on the daybed in the studio lying where I have been since bout 5:30 last evening.  I did manage to get the pants off my legs…but I have pretty much stayed in one position all evening and night.  I know this is true because I have watched The Young and The Restless on dvd, The Shark Tank, 2 hours of beauty tips on QVC (Argon oil is quite a thing now), an hour of Christmas lights and decor on HSN, O’Reilly, and every commentator that has opinion on HOHO Clinton and all her mess, and a few cartoons thrown in for good measure…also a rerun of The Big Bang Theory,and an old episode of The Golden Girls and a few episodes of Flea Market Flip and House Hunters.  What I’m saying here is I haven’t slept any.  Nada.

My hip has a bruise the size of Georgia and my elbow is still whining, and my head has a knot on it.  But I guess there is a silver lining to everything.  Perhaps I can hobble out to Don’s truck at some point and put together something for Trunk or Treat tomorrow evening at church!

Oh well, the ‘best laid plans’ and all that.  Y’all, please have fun for me!  I’ll miss you!

Love, Tonja

It appears in front of me once again.  Filled to the brim with the oddest assortment of ‘stuff’.  Cornmeal, yogurt in little pouches, 2 pints of chocolate milk, and a 1/2 bag of carrots!  Yesterday it was a canister of rolled oats, a jar of peanut butter, a bottle of pancake syrup, a canister of chocolate bars, and a box of rice.  Last week it contained a box of aluminum foil, squeeze bottle of mustard, a box of macaroni, a loaf of bread and a can of peas.

When Levi was just beginning to walk, he went with me to The Dollar General store.  There was a plastic grocery cart that he immediately latched onto.  He was in heaven!  He pushed that little cart for all he was worth…filling it with various things that were within his reach.  When time came to go, he was heartbroken over having to leave that cart in the store.  I’ve never seen him before or since carry on about wanting something so bad.  In fact, I felt so bad for breaking his little heart, that when he left to go home, I went back to the store and bought him one.  In a box.  Brand new.  It was very cheaply made…I hoped it would last.  If not, I could buy a well made one from the toy store.

I wanted to put it together, so he would see it when he came the next day.  There it was…purple basket, orange undercarriage, and turquoise wheels!  All the parts were there and soon it was together!  I could hardly wait for him to see it and push it and gather things in it!  I could just imagine the look on his face.  And, him coming to me and saying, “Lulu, you are the best!  Thank you for this wonderful cart.  Thank you for giving me my heart’s desire!  I will love you forever!”   Well, it wouldn’t sound like that, because he couldn’t talk then, but I would be able to read the emotion behind his eyes!  I set it in the middle of the studio and waited for the next morning.

He came in the door and gave me a big hug as always.  Then into the studio he went.  He saw the cart and went straight to it.  Not a word was spoken.  He took it by the handle and began to push…all the way around the table.  Then he began to fill it up…little cars, colorful blocks, books, balls.  He pushed them around a few times then took them out and refilled it.  Still not a sound.

However, the next sound I heard was plenty loud enough!  It was a cry of despair.  I looked up quickly and there he was…and there was the cart.  But, the cart was now in 3 pieces!  He was heart broken.  I rushed to see what I could do.  Nothing was broken…pieces would just not fit together anymore.  What was supposed to fit inside of another piece was either too big or too small. I’m guessing it was fine until he put too much in it and then it collapsed.  I told him I would get him another one.  He cried louder.  And louder.

And, so, being the resourceful Lulu that I am, I got out the duct tape.  That will fix anything.  Unfortunately, all I happened to have was a roll that had a big checkerboard design on it.  Not to worry, it would hold it together long enough for me to get a new cart.

 I taped for a while and he waited and watched.  And, soon he was on his way again.  Happily filling it up with strange pairings of objects, taking them for a spin around the studio, and putting them back.

He was barely two when that cart came to live at our house.  He has pushed it every. single.  day.  After the duct tape surgery, it has held up remarkably well.  Never even offering to come apart again.  It has carried small loads and big loads.  It has carried items that make sense being carried and those that don’t.  It has waited patiently for a little boy’s whims to hit and has been ready to partner with him in his escapades.

About a year ago, he began grocery shopping.  Because the shelves in my pantry go to the floor…and his legs have gotten longer…he can imagine he’s in a real grocery store.  And, he goes grocery shopping every day he’s at my house.  I am the grocery clerk, of course.  And he is the shopper.  He says I have to welcome him to the store.  Then after his shopping, I ask him if he found all he needed.  He always does.  Then we check him out, he uses his credit card, and I bag the groceries.  Then I remind him to drive safely and remember to put all the groceries away in the pantry when he gets home.  You know…he always does, too.  Well, they’re in the pantry…not always on the right shelf.  (Can you spy his credit card in the cart?  An old motel key card works great!)

And, the grocery cart…held together with duct tape…will then sit quietly until the mood to shop strike again.  Or until Olaf, and Mickey Mouse, and the orange frog get ready to go for a ride.  Or until his 5043 little cars decide they want to race in the den.  It is probably the thing he plays with more often than anything else he has!  I have never been able to bring myself to get a new one.  That sad little cart has become a fixture in our play.  And, we both love it…just as it is.

LESSONS LEARNED:

We don’t need to be the prettiest or fanciest to get the job done.

Broken things have their own beauty.