“Dear God,

Thank you for all my friends at First Presbyterian.  Thank you that I got to go to school there.  Thank you for all my teachers that I love at my school.  Help the people at Providence to understand that I might have to go back and visit at First Pres.  Help people who lost their job at Gander Mountain to find new jobs.  Help all the people who don’t know God.  Amen”

Prayer by Levi at lunch after a tearful goodbye to his dear teachers at First Presbyterian Preschool.

I’ve always been honest with you souls who choose to read what comes out of my heart.  It has always been a wonder to me that anyone would want to read what my ‘pitiful typing’ fingers eek out.  It’s always been amazing to me, as well, that I have a need to write down certain things and share it with folks I’ll never know…except through a little blurb where they make a comment at the end of an essay.  So I find my self saying “thank you” for reading and I hope that whatever I have written has glorified God and eased your own burden by knowing someone else has gone through the same.

To be perfctly hones, this is thstate fo mmy tyin fingers at the moment…Not to good, but i  will fisit for you.

This has been a difficult week for me.  Several things have happened all at once, as they usually tend to do in my life.  First, my sister has been really sick with the ‘crud’.  (if you’re from anywhere around at all, you know the crud).  I worry more about my daddy when she is sick.  She is an excellent care giver to him and has played the major role since Mom moved to Heaven.  I am available and do what I can, but Pop wants her.  Not that he doesn’t want me..he just loves her best.   Not that he loves her best…she caters to whatever he wants!

So, Joy has been sick, and Daddy is 91, and my sweet Alex has had an awful few weeks.  He has been in such pain.  And, I have been going to physical therapy for my back and hips trying to persuade them to not act their age and perform better for me.  My youngest, Ian, passed two kidney stones last week.  I have taught 2 art classes this week which is a joy, and I am helping my DIL prepare gifts for children in Levi’s class in school.  Levi has stayed with me two days this week, and Adam, my eldest, had major eye surgery in Birmingham on Thursday.

I am not even going to go into the list of health issues my children have.  The numbers are many and you may say I exaggerate.  But, I don’t.  One of the things they all suffer with is poor eyesight.  Especially Alex and Adam.  Alex has had several surgeries to treat some of his issues…but, still has nystagmus, which is an eye that is moving up and down all the time…or left and right…and last year lost a major portion of one eye to macular degeneration.  Adam’s eyes have always given him terrible trouble.  He also had a bout with a torn retina.  It took 2 or 3 surgeries to fix it.  They put what is called a ‘buckle’ into the eye to stabilize it.  But, now the major eye muscle has grown into the buckle and caused him to have double vision.  They went in with high expectations from the doctor that it would be fixed.   And…it wasn’t.  They did everything they were supposed to do..but it is not working.  They are hoping and we are praying that the muscle will strengthen and begin to work again.  This would be a ‘best case scenario’.  If not…we don’t know what is next…there is more surgical intervention possible…or we may wait and see.

As you can imagine,this has been hard to take and sad news for us all.  As those of you who are parents know…it matters not the age our children attain…they are always our little ones and they are always cared for now as they were then.

I was bemoaning my state of mind to Jesus last night.  I just thought I would tell Him again how disappointed I was.  And, ask Him to please consider touching Adam’s eyes with His Healing Hands, if He saw fit.  I told Him we loved and honored Him whatever He did or didn’t do.  And, that our faith was strong.  He was always our God and our Strong Hold.

And, then I told him I was also sad because I wanted to talk this over with Mom.  I miss her everyday.  I do not grieve her as I once did…but I miss her so much.  I asked him to tell her hello for me and kiss her for me.

And, then I went to sleep.  Not a peaceful sleep…but a fitful sleep.  I kept waking up and wondering why the clock was moving so slowly.  I wondered why this seemed like such a long night.    Then I began to dream.  It was one of those strange dreams that are so weird you wake up and wonder why in the world you are dreaming this.  That ever happen to you?  Please say yes…I don’t want to be the only one with strange dreams!!!

Joy and I were preparing to go on a trip.  She was packed and so was I.  But she didn’t like the shoes I was wearing.  She told me they would not be comfortable.   I don’t know why she said that because I was wearing grocery bags on both feet and kept trying to stuff both of them with fallen leaves and such to keep my feet warm.  (WEIRD !!!! I told ya!)  So I got into my suitcase and brought out a pair of mid calf red leather boots with an unusual design around the laces.  They laced up the front like men’s work boots, but they were of nice leather, and had heels.  (NO. no, I do not have any boots that even remotely sound like that)!

I put them on and it was time to leave.  We hurried to get aboard the train…kinda like you see in old movies where the train is leaving the station and folks hop on at the open doors in the side.  That’s what we did.  Though I know i couldn’t do that in real life…it was exhilarating in my dream.  As we hurried to our seats…we noticed a large group of our loved ones standing there to tell us bye.  They hugged and kissed us and hopped off the train.  I do not remember any of the faces.  Until the last one.  It was my mom!  And she took my head in her hands and kissed me square on the lips and said, “I love you forever.”  Then she disappeared.  She didn’t jump off the train…she was just gone.  I don’t even know if Joy got to see her.  But, then there was Daddy leaning against the front window by the door.  He didn’t look like my daddy, but that’s who it was.  He said, “Be careful girl’s” and hopped off the train, as well.

I immediately woke up and thought, “I just kissed my Mom!”  I just kissed my Mom!”  Then I went back to sleep for a couple of hours and when I awoke the second time, the dream was just as vivid!

Now I, for one, have been comforted by many things in my life.  Sometimes it is a distinct presence of the Lord.  Other times it has been a scripture verse, a picture, an animal, the words of a friend, or just a passing thought.    God will comfort us…He promises us that.  And, I guess he can use whatever He thinks will work the best at the time.  Last night, he used a dream!

And, she was just as beautiful as ever!

“Ready, Freddy?”  “Ready, Betty!”

Levi and I have used these code words since he could buckle his carseat by himself.  It let me know that he was buckled in and ready to ride.  (Course I always double check first.)  He used to think it was so funny.  When he was first learning about rhyming words…we would continue…“Where’s Eddie?”   “Have you seen Letty?”  “I’m feeling sweaty.”  “I want spaghetti.”  And on it would go until something else caught his attention.

Yesterday…4/12/17…after school pickup…

“Ready, Freddy?”  No answer.

“Ready, Freddy?”  Still no answer.

“Levi, are you buckled up and ready to go.”  “I am.”

“Well, why didn’t you answer me?”

“Lulu,…… I just didn’t want to say it.”

“Why not?”

“Well, Lulu…it sounds a little silly to me.  And I am in kindergarten now, you know?”

“Oh, so you think you are too old to play this game anymore?  It always makes me smile when we say it.”

“Don’t be sad, Lulu, I just think I’m too big now to say that.  Can we just not do that anymore?”

“Well, of course, Little Man.  I understand.  When you grow up, some things you thought were funny one time…just seem silly now.  So we don’t have to say that anymore.”

“Will you be sad, Lulu?”

“Of course not!  You can always tell me if you prefer not to do something.  Maybe I’ll agree.  Maybe I won’t.  But, you can be honest with me always.”

“I love you, Lulu!”

“And, I adore you, Levi!  Now are you ready to go!”

“Yes, m’am.  I am!”

And then we both started laughing again…his attempt at becoming grown up had led him to make another rhyming answer!

He understood the irony of that without me saying anything….another sign of maturing and growing.  I can say I’m sad to see it happen, but that’s not really the truth.  The truth is I will forever miss these little jokes we have had between ourselves.  But, I want him to grow and explore and change.  This is what he was born for…to become a man.  And, even though he has lots of growing left to do…now that he’s 6…some things will be forever different.  As he begins first grade, he will see this world with such different eyes.  My prayer is that God gives him a mind that delights in new information….that he will always nurture his creative side…and that his goal will always be to be more like Jesus everyday!  And, that he can always laugh with his Lulu!

He’s ready, Freddy!

Spring, as usual, is a fickle girl!  It has been so nice and warm here in Dothan…and then BAM!!! out of the North Pole blows this frigid blast of air that has stayed around too long to suit me!  It is 40 degrees here as I write!  Last week, kids were in shorts and Birkenstocks!  Of course…it does give us Southern ladies another chance to wear our boots…and the kids get to wear their big coats their parents bought for the two or three days they actually need it!

I love spring!  All the newness and the budding out and the green taking over again!  It’s so lovely!  I decorated my house for Spring and Easter right after Valentine’s.  I know it was quite early, but I put a lot of effort into decorating and I like for it to last a while!  Decorating my house is a creative outlet that feeds my soul.  I wish I could just go house to house and decorate for any one that wants it!  I will share some pictures of my work with you.  First, my mantel…

Levi’s tree and bunny…

My dining room table…

Centerpiece close up  on table…

Close up…

A little arrangement I put together…the moss bag was a gift from sweet Suzanne…added some greenery and small stems cut from a larger bush…

Levi’s spring art…

My buffet…

Here is a project I worked on yesterday…

Found this great little moss basket…hollow inside…and reinforced with wire rods.   Sorry I didn’t make a pic before I filled it..

I added a styrofoam ball to the space and covered it with more loose moss.  Then I found these silk ranunculus that were so pretty.  They had them in several color variations, but I love white flowers!  They were bundled into groups of 7.  I bought 4 bundles.

So in this project I used 23 flowers.  Of course, if you like the look of seeing the stems, you could use less.  But I love the look of the flower heads packed together closely.

After I finished, I filled in any blank spaces with more of the loose moss…

While I was at the store, I found this beautiful birds nest on a branch.  It needed a lot of fluffing, but isn’t it lovely?

I added it to the base of the flower arrangement…and love the look!  You could always lift the basket on a stack of books or even a cake plate surrounded by little eggs  and more moss if you need the height.

I hope you enjoy decorating like I do.  It is a creative outlet for me.  If you don’t have a lot of spring decor…start small and just buy a few things all along. I have 3 wonderful silk greenery garlands that I use most every season.  It’s wonderful filler.

Here is a picture of Suzannes’s mantel…you can see the same garland here…

Hobby Lobby has all their spring and Easter at 40% off.  I’m sure Jo-Ann’s and Michael’s does too.   And, if you live close to a Home Goods or TJ Maxx, you can score big time there…just buy it when you see it, it won’t be there when you go back!  I speak from experience!  Remember that you can download coupons for all these stores on your phone and use one each time you shop.  (For my friends who are local…the flowers, moss basket and bird’s nest came from Inside Accents.)

I am a woman…daughter…sister…wife…mother…daughter-in law…mother-in-law… sister-in-law…cousin…aunt…great aunt…grandmother …friend…teacher…nurse…classmate…church member.  I am a story teller… planner…artist… crafter… a decorator…a musician…writer…a collector.   I am a driver…cook…caregiver…dishwasher.

I love blue skies…sunshine…kisses from my boys…tenderness from my husband…smiles of pride from my daddy…sweet memories of my mother…hugs from my friends…laughter from my grandson…talks with my daughter-in-love…time with my sister…camp with the family.  I love reading a good book…watching a funny TV show…cooking out in the backyard…and floating in the pool.  I love to be silly…plan surprises…have fun…make people laugh.  I am messy and unorganized.  My mind is always on overdrive…I have ADD.  I have health issues that cause me pain.  I have hope that tomorrow will be better than today.

I love chocolate..sweet tea…bread…Chinese food…Mama’s pound cake…sweet potatoes…broccoli…filet mignon…baked chicken…zipper peas…cheese crackers…graham crackers…peanut butter…eggs over easy with grits and bacon… little white powdered doughnuts…and chocolate.

I like to decorate…plan parties…throw parties.  I like to play inside games…give gifts…read books to my grandson and grand nephew.  I like to travel and explore new places.  I like to dress in style.  I love beautiful jewelry.  And shoes.  And purses.

I love listening to music…all kinds of music.  I love to sing… but only with children….or congregational hymns at church…or in my car when I’m alone.  I like making lists and marking things off…I like to take hot showers.  I love to sit outside in nature and just breathe.  I love to get a good book and get lost in it.  I am truly happy to share everything I own.  Things are not heart possessions...people are.  What I have, I’ll gladly lend to you!

I love to teach children.  It is my life calling, I believe.  It brings me joy to see a little one coming to grasp some new information.  I believe in following rules and having boundaries. I believe children should be immersed in art and music!   I believe children should be listened to and taught when to listen themselves.  I believe children should be taught there is always someone in charge.  I believe they should learn about self control…and empathy.  I believe we should respect a child’s feelings…never telling them ‘they shouldn’t feel that way’…they do.  We should try to understand them..  I believe that they should know that doing the right thing...is its own reward and not expect another! I believe they should be surrounded by Biblical teaching from birth.  There is nothing that matches the look on a child’s face when they ‘get understanding’ about a detail!  It is magical to watch!  There is no love that is so pure or honest and true as the arms of a child begging to wrap you in a bear hug!  I imagine that’s the way my Heavenly Father feels about me, too!

I love a full moon…and the birds that come to the feeder outside my window…especially the redbirds…I love bare trees in the winter with all the branches showing…I love seeing tiny green buds appear on those same trees in spring.  I love swinging in a porch swing.

I totally and unabashedly adore my 3 boys! My boys are strong, and they are weak.  My boys are kind and gracious, but they are selfish and stubborn also.  My boys are full of empathy…they lived through learning that trait.  They ‘re the best parts of their father and I..and their grandparents.  They never followed all our rules…sometimes they went their own way.  They had the opportunity to choose the easy way…some took the hard.  I believe that every single thing you go through in this life is a piece of the puzzle that fits together to make you who you are.  Lessons learned come at a price…we all paid.  We all grew.  They are men who I love to talk with and yes, even still try to reason with and finagle.  They love their Mama.  They hold my heartstrings. We walked through the ravages of disease and sadness and pain together….and we grew through it and are the better for it. Brother helped brother helped brother and still do today.  I weep at the goodness of God to bless me with the total and complete perfect gifts they are to me!

God blessed me with a husband who is a man of God.  He is a deliberate thinker and a fairer man you will never find.  He weighs both sides of a situation and with God’s help makes his decision.  Always, he waits on God.  I admire his peaceful nature and his patient ways.  I rely on his wisdom to reel me in when I go off on some tangent. He is a man after God’s own heart.  He is my anchor in this life we chose to go through together.  (We absolutely argue and fuss.  We absolutely don’t always agree.  He absolutely drives me bonkers at times.  We absolutely are together forever!)

I am a sinner saved by the grace of Jesus.  I am a follower of Jesus Christ.  I love reading my Bible…singing the old hymns…responsive readings.  I am Heaven bound!  The Word of God can bring tears of joy to my eyes as I read it.  He wrote it just for me! He added things that just I need to hear!  It is my personal letter from Him!

I believe that God is in total control of the universe.  I do not worry about global warming and such…my God is big enough to handle this planet…after all He created it.  If we need more bumblebees, He can handle that!  I believe God uses many things in our world to speak to us.  I believe He speaks to animals…I believe he uses animals to teach us and to guide us and to protect us.  He made them all and they are one of His great gifts.

I love life…and the people in it…I love learning about people groups of other cultures…I think missionaries that spread the gospel in foreign lands are true heroes.  I love seeing the beautiful people who are so different than me, and were raised differently than me and do life differently than me.  And, yet, we can serve the same God!  I so admire and pray for those who give their lives in the winning of people to the Lord…especially in difficult situations.  They deserve my praise.

I know who I am.  I know what I believe.  My belief system was formed from childhood as I was raised around the people and places my parents thought were decent influences.  The friends I grew up with and their parents…the teachers and leaders in my church…my teachers at school and college…all left their lessons on me.  I am strong and resilient.  I have weathered very tough times.  I have been inundated with stress and grief.  These times brought lesson to my soul that stay with me always.  Lessons learned from living through tough times sticks well!   I am a survivor!   I can speak for myself and am not afraid to do so.  I believe it is always possible to be kind.    I believe that you have the same right to your beliefs as I do.    I do not need to belittle your beliefs.

I believe every law abiding citizen should have the same rights…I think our country should welcome any non-criminal  who is willing to become a citizen, and learn the English language.  I believe we should protect ourselves from the evil in the world whenever we can.  I believe we should be knowledgeable and up to date on daily news.  I believe we should never put our full trust in anyone other than God.  I believe we should be discerning about who we follow.  I believe the Bible when it says to “flee from evil”.  I believe we can be kind to everyone, regardless whether they think like we do or not.  But, your rights don’t trump my safety!  I believe no group should have to sacrifice their rights just to make another group happy. I believe in the sanctity of life.  I believe every child deserves the right to life.  I believe those who abuse children and animals are deserving of a hotter hell.

I believe our guiding light should always be the Bible.  I believe it is the perfect Word of God with no mistakes or double meaning.  I believe our lives should be governed by His Word.  I fully believe that God makes NO mistakes.

I believe we should pray for our government leaders.  They are in their positions because God allowed it.  Whether we voted for them are not.  They are leading our nation and need the intervention of the Holy Spirit in all they do!

I believe I am wonderfully made.  I believe God chose me to be who I am…where I am…with whom I am.  I believe He chose the circumstances of my life in order to mold me into what He wants me to be.  I believe He is always good.  I believe He hears and acknowledges every prayer.  I believe His way is always right.  I believe He speaks to me and you.  I believe He sends angels to watch over us.  I believe He created everything just as His Word says and I believe He is in charge of what happens…when it happens…and where it happens.  I believe He is never surprised.  I believe He is all knowing .  I believe Jesus Christ is the only way to Heaven.  I believe He always keeps His promises.  I believe He is truth.  I believe God is love.  I believe I will live with Him forever.

It is for me, then, to speak up when the opportunity is put before me…to speak wisdom when it is the appropriate time to do so…to take every chance God puts in front of me to speak the truth as I know it…to be quiet when silence is the best answer.    I can impact others by living true to God and myself…where He put me…when He tells me.

This is the woman that I am.  These are the ways I live my life with the freedoms that I enjoy…fought for and won by patriots and many wise and wonderful women before me.   I am a woman of value.  I matter in the lives of people I meet.  I matter to my friends.  I have been blessed with the best group of heart friends ever!  Women whom I love and cherish and who continue to teach me!  I matter to my family.  This is what I am grateful for.  I thank God I was born an American.  I thank God that He chose me to belong to Him.  I am blessed beyond measure.

I believe these words with all my heart and soul.  Amen!

3/8/17…International Women’s Day

____________________________________________________________

You are equally as valuable. You have your own set of values and likes.  You can take some things easily and others turn your stomach.  You are wonderfully made.  I encourage you to take the time to put it all down in an essay such as this.  There is no formula to follow.  Who you are and what you experience works together to make the special woman you are.  I do not feel boastful for sharing with you my heart thoughts.  I feel understood.  Tell someone today….better yet…write it down…just for you…just for posterity…for your great grandchildren to get a glimpse of who you are.   You are important…You are special...You deserve to be known!