I had a little project to do at home last week (before I hurt my back) . Alex gave me this great sign for Christmas, and I wanted to get it hung up. I knew I wanted to hang it in the rear foyer, and the only appropriate place was on this small wall next to the oven.
I knew there was no way to use a nail there, so I headed to T*rget to see what was available. I found about 50 packages of C*mmand products. However, I had never used them before, so I ws a little uncertain of which ones to buy. And, there is never anyone to assist you when you need it. This looked promising, so I bought this package.
All was fine, until I started to put it up last week.
Will you look at all the steps you have to go through? All I wanted to do was simply get my sign up….this looks like enough instructions to put a stove together! But, I soldiered on. Yes, I was determined. I could follow these directions…and get this job completed. Donald is very, VERY particular about putting things on our walls. It would be a wonderful thing if every wall was totally empty…according to him. “You build a new house…you don’t put nails in the walls.” But, sometimes things happen when he is at work. It is a wise woman who knows the optimum time to tackle decorating projects. If you know what I mean.
So, let’s look at this book of instructions. Because if I mess it up, it will be a topic of discussion for as long as we live!
Friends…you can’t read it, can you. This is just what it looked like to me. This pic is made at the distance I would actually read it. This type is so small…it is ridiculous. I’m telling you…not just small….itsy. bitsy, teeny, weeny….miniscule…diminutive…lilliputian…microscopic…wee…oh, so, very tiny! I tried. I really tried. I rubbed my eyes. Then I tried to widen them…nope. So, I squinted them…nope. I held it at a distance…then touching my nose. I moved to the window. I took off my glasses…I put on another pair of glasses.
I went and got my magnifying glass. I held it close, and far away. I went to get a battery for the handle. This magnifying glass has a light in it. Didn’t help. Not a bit. I even looked through the small super magnifier spot. This type was not meant to be read. Because I tried every single way I knew to read it. Unless you had the eyes of a 18 year old…this was just scribble-scrabble with pictures.
Now, I wouldn’t have been so worried about reading it except with all those pictures, I thought there had to be some magic formula. And, because in a smidge bigger type at the very bottom, it said that “failure to follow these directions will cause the wall upon which you put your picture to fall to the ground and bust into a million pieces. And, also, you can never remove the sticky things from the wall even if you try for 10 years. All of which will cause your husband’s head to explode…and make him really mad.”
I had to put it away. There was no way I could read it. I was so outdone. I felt old…very old. That package cost me $11.49 ! What to do? I couldn’t ask Donald to help me. As I explained, these things need to be taken care of when he is at work…to spare him unnecessary grief! So when my friend, Patty, and the famous and beautiful Lucy Jane came over, I put her to work on it. Patty…not Lucy Jane. Besides she was busy eating cheese and ice. Lucy Jane…not Patty. And, people, she could read it just fine. Patty…not Lucy Jane…she’s only 3!
But, here’s a helpful little hint for you, my dear friends. Are you familiar with v*lcro? Well this is sorta like that. Looks the same. It says to put one rough piece on the wall and then put a corresponding smooth piece on the picture. Patty had determined that we needed 4 pieces. And I determined…and I am sure you will agree, that putting 4 pieces on the wall and then putting 4 pieces on the picture and getting them to align would require many math skills, and measuring and other such things too horrible to speak about. And the chances that the pieces would ever match up in this lifetime were about the same as ever seeing me wear a bikini on the beach! So, we just put the smooth piece on the picture….. then stuck the rough piece on top …removed the sticky back…checked level…then smashed it on the wall! Easy Peasy! And I felt very builder/construction/handy man like when I got out my level…and actually knew how to use it!
Why does this sign resonate so to me? To me it says : draw and color your own picture…don’t just add color to someone else’s. You can draw as well as anyone. Live your life and color it to suit yourself. Don’t try to live another’s life…they may not even like the same colors as you. Don’t be confined to just the little picture on the page…it’s all tight and confined and stuffy there. Instead, venture out. Look for the beauty and fun and blessings that are waiting just for you. Oh, and be sure to bring your color box with you…life takes lots of colors.”
PS . Even though I said this was like v*lcro…don’t actually use v*lcro. Unless what you are putting up will never be moved. I know from sad, sad experience that the velcro just might, could possibly, pull the paint off the wall. And, just maybe a little of the drywall. as well.
Hello, my name is Everly. I am a blogger living in New York. This is my blog, where I post about interior design and decoration. Never miss out on new stuff.
Aren't YOU just the smarty bird!!! I just clicked on the picture and could read every word, without my glasses!
Hurray for visits from Pattys and all the Lucy Janes of the world—they can fix a million ills.
And don't be too sure about the not reading cause she's only THREE—I've been known to hand a package or a paper to Sweetpea, and she spells it right out, word for word. She may not know all the words, but she knows the letters, and I take it from there.
And you'll want to keep that precious picture and its wonderful sentiment, from that precious young man, forever and ever, Amen. Right there on that wall. Don't ever even THINK of removing it.
I think a great bumpersticker would be: In a sea of black umbrellas, mine's the one with the red polka dots.
That is so funny. My husband is just like that! I just want to hang things and he wants them sparse and in perfect alignment with any and everything! I love the picture AND the advice! Hope your back is much, much better!
If they would only hire 50-somethings like us to WRITE those directions, they would NEVER make them that small.
I have literally had NIGHT MARES that I was trying to read a menu in a restaurant and COULD NOT!!! In one such nightmare I was applying for a job as a waitress, but since I could NOT read the menu and therefore could NOT in 5 minutes learn it by heart – – – I was told I was TOO STUPID to be a waitress.
Young whipper snappers laugh at us in this distress, but I comfort myself with the thought that ONE DAY we shall have the last laugh for this malady is an equal opportunity ailer and one day they too shall ail!
The sign, which I love by the way, looks great there! Worth all the trouble putting it up! I use that crazy stuff….and it works great! Glad I know how to use it because I don't follow directions well! 🙂
It looks wonderful. I can't believe those instructions. I know for me I really don't like when I still can't read something with my reading glasses on! Love the sign and what a perfect spot to put it!
You have had me screaming laughing once again, Tonja!!!! If you're not going to start a reality shopping show, then maybe you should at least be a humor columnist.
I too love that sign, and I'm glad you got it up at the proper time with such good female help.
I really needed a chuckle tonight, Thank You! I used to be able to read even the fine print, but they have started to make that smaller! Hope your back is better.
So funny, but yes, those Command velcro-type strips are great. I use them a lot at school, since we have block walls and hanging something would involve drilling. So far, I've had good luck with them.
I've never used that particular command product, but I have bought their hooks and they really do work well with no damage when you take the down.
Love the sign and its message.
Hugs,
Kat
Love that you are back on blog…..and I especially love THIS blog!! I guess I love it because I know how much Alex loves you, and I really do love the saying! Too bad there are so many stiff people in this world. It's just good to be alive….and it sure is good to color outside the lines!!! "No-regrets-living" – that's what I'm talkin' about!!!!! I love you, my queen!